Thursday, October 08, 2009

“This idiot, this complete asshole, is insisting I drive home with him, after he’s had god knows how many drinks and embarrassingly flirted with all the other women at the party – And let me tell you, they were NOT interested such a weak, ridiculous man like him. And then at the end of the night, he makes a big stink when I don’t get into the car, getting verbally abusive and grabbing me when I flatly tell him that I’m not going home with him and that another man is taking me home. So he leaves and the next thing I know, it’s almost dawn when a phone call from the police wakes me up and they tell me to come pick him up. So I go down to the police station.

This drunken bum was driving home and suddenly, he saw a very bright light coming towards him. He thought maybe it was another car, with only one light working, and try as he might, he seemed stuck on the road and could not change his lane. It was a train coming towards him and he was driving on the train tracks – don’t ask me how he got there. This disgusting pig was so out his mind that he couldn’t even tell he was on the train tracks. The train smashed into your father’s car, and knocked it into a ditch, and thank God, or maybe curse God, it was going very slow and had begun to brake long before your father had even noticed it.”

This was the story my mom told me when I asked her for an electric train set. She said ever since that traumatizing incident, trains frightened her and she didn’t want them in the house. She also used the same story when I asked for a slot-car set, citing a fear of cars.

She was also afraid of:
Planes
Lightning
Pizzas
Hot dogs
Hamburgers
Macaroni & Cheese
Potato Chips
Soda
Amusement Parks
Movie Theaters
Playgrounds/Parks
Bicycles
Donuts
White Bread
Electric appliances
Photographs
Candy
Vacations
Swimming
Sneakers and many types of clothing
Other children in the house
Laughter
Sports
Music
Television
Coloring books/crayons
Circus tents
Evel Knievel
The Harlem Globetrotters
Home ownership
School functions
Valentine’s Day cards
Christmas
Halloween
Easter
Pets of any kind
People

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so funny, I actually laughed out.

5:45 PM  

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